Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
