No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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