I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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