a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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