You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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