atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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