So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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