"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize