I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My breasts were aching with rage.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
