i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
