I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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