You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
