He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
