Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
