Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
