so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
