When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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