im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
