Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
