not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
