:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
