We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
