I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
