I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
