Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
