therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
