They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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