I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
