You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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