Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
