are you so shy because you have an std?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
