you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
