You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
