On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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