sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
