She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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