Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
