Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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