in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you never un-have a 4some
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
