I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
