Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
