Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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