i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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