it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
