my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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