Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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