Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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