Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
