Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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