I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
3 2 1 whiskey
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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