He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
