well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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