Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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