Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
