Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize