I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
