She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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