note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
