Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
