I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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