In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
