There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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