the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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