I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
