I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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