the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you had me at cake vodka
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
