I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
how drunk are you?
Several
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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