I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sarcasm needs its own font
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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