I hate all girls vehemently.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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