Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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