I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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