During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
