You smell like a Billy Joel song
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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