my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Pooping to opera.
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