is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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