remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
