isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize